The Homeschool Mom and Her Emotions

Emotional triggers are all around us. They are lurking around every corner, attempting to catch us off-guard and reveal our inner-most vulnerable and sensitive areas. Emotional triggers often reveal pain points we didn't even know existed.

What is a trigger?  anything — including memories, experiences, or events —that sparks an intense emotional reaction, regardless of your current mood.

And believe it or not, the trigger is not the thing that can make or break us. Rather, the way we respond to the trigger and process the reaction it ensued.Typically we go for a walk to clear our mind of its current and often temporary frustration.However, when we go to God in prayer and invite the Holy Spirit into the process, we free our minds and hearts from potentially permanent discontent and ill regard towards others.

Gaining a new perspective is always beneficial for your emotional and mental health. Allowing yourself a moment to step back from a situation to process from a different perspective, can help bring clarity to what may seem like a cloudy and emotionally driven situation.

"Be at least as interested in your own reactions, and the people and situations that evoke those reactions.

Imagine a weapon. The trigger is a only a very small part of the mechanism. From an eagle-eye perspective, there is a weapon that is ready to be loaded and fired with the ammunition already in it.

That's you. If you are triggered, it is because you are a gun that is ready to fire. The explosive material is what you have been carrying around your entire life.

Focusing on the trigger is a distraction. The rich learning is getting curious about what is it ignited inside of you.

There is nothing wrong with being triggered. It just happens. Every time you get triggered you can do one of two things - attack/dismiss whoever is triggering you, or you can stay with the emotion and work through it. As long as you withdraw, blame or attack you are perpetuating your story of being a victim.

Your past will show up in the present as a strong emotional reaction. Consider this an opportunity to examine what needs to be integrated from your past.

No one can make you upset. You re-create the original upset when your emotional material inside of you is activated.

Welcome your triggers and the people that provide them. Every trigger shows you where there is more work to be done. Learn to ask"how is this for me?" Instead of "why me?" "What can I learn from this experience? What treasure is hidden in this experience? Where am I being asked to grow? What is my truth and how can I express it?"

Challenge: Try looking at your situation from a different perspective before responding out of frustration, confusion, or even hurt. (Emotional Triggers)

Once you have a bit of clarity or take a step back and see it from a different perspective, that is the perfect time to seek freedom for the things you are internalizing in your heart.Oftentimes we don’t realize it, but when we are in a heated situation with a coworker, friend, or even family, we mentally process it at the moment and say we move on. However, the trigger points that created the frustration still live deep inside our hearts. Possibly because we felt our character was attacked or something went against our morals, sometimes we even feel ill-equipped to have the conversation needed at the time. Our insecurity creates a layer of defense we didn’t realize existed.

When we seek God, that helps us process through and see the situation from a different perspective, but it also allows us to ask God WHY we felt the urge to react in the way we did and WHAT triggered that emotion in us. To find true freedom, we must invite the Holy Spirit into the process as well.Inviting the Holy Spirit into the process sometimes looks like waking up in the morning and saying, God, I put this day and all of its conversations and interactions in your hands. Allow your Holy Spirit to fill me with peace and to carry that peace into every room I enter. Continuously seeking this true freedom means, the next time a trigger point comes up, we don't feel the need to react in the same way because we are freed from the emotional and oftentimes spiritual trigger associated with it.

When we internalize, we only allow ourselves to be burdened by the pain.

When we welcome God and trusted others into the healing process, we allow different perspectives who the same emotional response as us has not triggered. Still, we also allow accountability to enter into our lives for future scenarios we may need assistance in processing.

And “don’t sin by letting anger control you.”Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry, for anger gives a foothold to the devil. If you are a thief, quit stealing. Instead, use your hands for good hard work, and then give generously to others in need. Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them. And do not bring sorrow to God’s Holy Spirit by the way you live. Remember, he has identified you as his own, guaranteeing that you will be saved on the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger, harsh words, and slander, as well as all types of evil behavior.Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you.

We can’t control every environment we walk into, situation, or conversation that occurs. We can, however, control how things impact us and how we respond to the things and people around us!

The subconscious part of your brain

It is only when you are conscious that you are able to SEE yourself. This self-awareness brings to light all of the previously hidden forces constantly at work to keep you safe. You can't eat better, drink more water, stop drinking, love the people you are with, or love yourself until you become transparent to yourself. If you know what you need to do to create positive change in your life and health, why don't you do it? It is because you are stuck in automatic conditioning and patterns. Running on auto pilot means that the subconscious part of the mind drives your reactions.

The subconscious mind:

• stores every single experience you have.

• shapes the way you see and interact with the world.

• is reactive and emotional; not a neutral database of facts.

• Loves existing in a comfort zone because the outcome is predictable.

How you think and respond all comes from the subconscious mind that has been conditioned by thoughts, patterns and beliefs that became ingrained in our childhoods through a process called conditioning.

The role of the subconscious mind is to keep you safe, which makes changing a behaviour more challenging. Humans are not wired for change. Resistance will show up, from the mind and body, when you attempt to push yourself out of autopilot. This resistance is called a homeostatic impulse. The homeostatic impulse regulates your physiology, from breathing, to body temperature, to heartbeat. The mandate of this impulse is to create balance in the mind and body. When there is dysregulation, the imbalances can become a problem and self-betraying. The brain likes to stay in autopilot to conserve energy by knowing what to expect. This is why habits and routines feel effortless and why change is exhausting.

This pull towards the familiar kept is out brain trying to keep us safe. Any behaviours that are our brain trying to keep us safe, would be repeated by the homeostatic impulse, all without making a conscious choice. It’s our amygdala, It’s trying to keep us safe but when you have been through something stressful and tramatiic it will tell your brain things to keep,you safe. Your brain will loop back and your amygdala will tell your brain you are unsafe, which creates a fear response within your brain and this loop of,overthinking begins and the loop goes back and forth from amygdala to brain again and again. Creating fear, anxiety overwhelm and the situation will get worse and worse until we begin to take our thoughts captive. Every time you make a decision outside of your default programming your mind will get into the cycle. Subconsciously your mind will attempt to pull you back to the familiar by creating mental resistance. Mental resistance can manifest as both mental and physical discomfort. It can take the form of cyclical thoughts, such as "I will do that later," or a physical sensation like anxiety, irritability, or just not feeling like yourself. This is your mind showing you that it is uncomfortable with the new changes.

Becoming Conscious

1. Witness your body sensations when you feel threatened. Do you withdraw, disconnect, grow tense in your jaw and shoulders?

2. Observe.

3. Learn about yourself Be still and know that God is in control

"There is tremendous freedom in not believing every thought you have and understanding that you are not the thinker of your thoughts, not the thoughts themselves. Your mind is a powerful tool, and if you do not become consciously aware of the disconnection between your authentic Self and your thoughts, you give too much power away to your the thoughts that control your daily life."

"When new neural pathways are forged, you can break free of your default patterns and live more actively and stop your subconscious mind from taking the reins and hacking your life ."

Perceptions + Feelings

It is vital to learn to distinguish between a feeling and a belief or interpretation. Beliefs are ideas that can be explored. Feelings are valid, can't be argued and have to be accepted. Examine your perceptions.

Often perceptions are based on past experiences.

A belief is a practised thought grounded in lived experience. Beliefs are built up over years of thought patterns and require both interior and exterior validation to thrive.

Beliefs about ourselves are filters that are placed over the lens of how we view the world. The more we practice certain thoughts, the more the brain wires itself to default to these thought patterns. This is especially true if the thoughts activate the stress response and

vagus nerve.

The more you think something, the more you are likely to believe it.

Your mind creates your world creates your thoughts. Your thoughts will create what you feel "Emotion is the body's reaction to the mind."

Emotion point us to a belief we have. . Whenever there is a strong emotional reaction there is a belief underneath it. That belief isn't necessarily true and its validity can be explored.

Emotions or feelings are quite simple. They include sad, afraid, angry, happy, joy, love, hate and shame. Emotions need acceptance and to be held with compassion. Jesus was full of compassion to Mary while He was on the cross He says that he will be near the broken hearted He tells those who are fearful to Fear not!! Ecclesiastes talks about being joyful with the joyful and sorrowful with the sad 

What will determine your life is not your emotions, but your attempts not to feel the emotions. You compensate for pain by developing coping mechanisms that keep you from allowing yourself to experience the way you are.

Allow yourself to feel exactly what is there. Fear, anger, sadness - these are perfectly normal responses. Make space for them. Accept them. They are in you. Welcome them. Hold them like you would a child and have compassion for them.

Feelings need to be processed and dealt with. Not doing this will lead to the brain loop that will keep us in a reactive state of mind. So if you are given to anger learn how to forgive. If you are given to fear, pray seek God, give the fearful things over to Him for he cares for you!! This will change your life!!

Check out these blogs to learn more about on how to find peace on your homeschool journey

Check out my other blog posts here

From Burnout to Balance:The Homeschool moms Guide to Hormones and Sleep

How The Homeschool Mom Can Fight Burnout Through Nutrition

Homeschooling and Stress: Helping the homeschool mom work through it

5 ways to come from a reactive state of mind to a conscious thoughtful state of mind

1. Pray and Seek God: Start your day with prayer, inviting the Holy Spirit to guide your interactions.

2. Observe and Reflect: Take note of your reactions and body sensations when triggered.

3. Seek New Perspectives: Step back from the situation and try to view it from a different angle.

4. Embrace Emotional Processing: Allow yourself to feel your emotions and process them with compassion.

5. Invite Accountability: Share your experiences with trusted others who can provide perspective and support.

By following these steps, you can navigate emotional triggers with grace and grow in emotional and spiritual maturity.